Notes on a Fantasy Football Season

In a year marred by inconsistency and savage locker room beatings, the team that began the season with high expectations and even higher hopes has just completed its final death throes. Rock Hard Pwner, despite injuries and boneheaded waiver moves, entered the playoffs as the second seed with a first round bye, only to be knocked out in the second round by the sixth seed, Delhomme For MVP, and was forced to settle for a third place finish. As the organization prepares for its usual offseason proceedings, we would like to take a look back at the season that almost was with our year-end report cards.

QB - AARON RODGERS
You were a late round draft selection, but you quickly won the starting job over incumbent (read "incompetent") Ben Roethlisberger. While you put up solid numbers, we couldn't get over the fact that you shaved your beard. For that, sir, you are officially put on notice.
Grade - Check minus.

WR - T.J. HOUSHMANZADEH
You were drafted high due to your advanced skill set as a receiver, but more importantly, as a positive locker room influence. We remembered your contributions to the organization in years past, and we decided to reward you with a fat contract. Early signs were positive, as you racked up fantasy points over the first few weeks. Excitement soon gave way to disappointment, however, as your production began to decline at mid-season, capped off with an abortion of a game in the second round of the playoffs and a goose egg in the third place game. When the team needed you the most, you curled up and took a shit. Also, your hair is stupid. Consider yourself on notice.
Grade - Check minus.

TE - DALLAS CLARK
In a situation similar to Houshmanzadeh's, we drafted you high because of your past success with the franchise. Your clutch performances down the stretch last season helped secure a championship for the team. You were benched early due to injuries, and we waited as long as we could, but ultimately had to release you. Miraculously, you found good health and great success in the following weeks with our rivals, Texas St Armadillos. Real dickhead move, Clark. You're on notice.
Grade - Check minus.

RB - DARREN MCFADDEN
We drafted you in the third round. Do you have any idea how many quality players were still available in the third round? We could have drafted Anquan freaking Boldin. You were supposed to be this years Adrian Peterson, but instead you sat out for weeks with turf toe (you girl). Luckily, we were able to get some value for you in a trade for Kevin Faulk, but not before your glass jaw and lack of motivation cost the entire team. That is why you are now on notice.
Grade - Check minus.

RB - LEON WASHINGTON
A mid-season waiver claim, your playmaking ability made you an interesting option at RB or flex position. Your timing, however, was less than satisfactory. You seemed to know when we put you in the starting lineup, and for some reason you used each of those opportunities to take a giant ugly shit. Meanwhile, when you were sitting on the bench, you managed to outscore any individual starter on the team. You made the Rock Hard Pwner bench the most productive in the league. For that (and for playing for the Jets) we have put you on notice.
Grade - Check minus.

RB - ADRIAN PETERSON
Our first round draft pick, you more than lived up to expectations. You were, by far, the most consistent player on the team, and for that we are grateful. However, you were unable to deliver a championship to our deserving fans, and while you will not be put on notice, your evaluation will suffer for it.
Grade - Check minus.